Thursday, July 29, 2010

i am melting.

A smile for a day counts a thousand melted frustrations. 

There has never been a day that I don't feel frustrated inside the classroom. I don't even know if I am just pushing myself too much and dreaming of too much perfection. I tried to achieve with most of nerve-cracking effort to convey the concept or precept of discipline to my students. I resort to different methods and each seemed to be an entry for frustration. It's almost an illusion. It's doable, I believe. But sometimes nearly impossible. Crying seems to be my last succor, my shelter. Yet, every time they come to me, with sweaty faces and carefree innocence, I can't help but rationalize my worth as a teacher. Frustrating, yes, but fulfilling and ethereal also. Teachers are masochist I believe. Or shall I say, I almost believe. Not in an evil sense though.

All the day's problem seem to be vacuumed by that invisible vortex created by their hugs and smiles. Many times I have been tempted to stop teaching, but each attempt will just prove that their pure comfort and heartwarming (and sometimes hair-raising) embrace are more powerful. And then I forget that I have problems, concerns. I learn to play. I become a child again.

I do not love teaching, to be honest. But there's something far more magnetic in this profession that made me stay for almost half a decade. I am still in the process of discovering things. I don't know teaching that much, albeit years of experience, but I know that I still have the greatest teachers in my midst. I know the children are there. And their smiles reassures me of this fact. Everyday. 

And I am melting again.


Sendo said...

wow naman...ayos pud na naa pa kay hinungdan na mustay simo trabaho..chada....gusto gyud ko mateacher..labaw na sa bata haha..baylo na lang ta haha

Arvin U. de la Peña said...

ganun ba..relax lang muna,hehe..

Rah said...

Sometimes i think we have to give students space. We can only do so much, but the rest is up to them. Someday, they will realize the importance of what we teach them. Just blend persistence with experimentation and you will find the best teaching method.

Abou said...

i have this feeling na nag eenjoy ka din sa pagiging teacher...