Dear John (a movie review)

Dear Savannah,

It was because of your lover-wannabe boy that these things had come to a complicated start. I didn't understand why I got your bag from that deep water. I looked like a Muro-ami cast (my Pinoy friend described it to me, though a handsome version). To aggravate things, you lured me with your erotic stories about moon which I had also my version (by the way, my toe is smaller than my thumb and still it covers the moon). Those stories about the fire, our chat in the restaurant, and our straddle slash romantic slash wet scene cost me my balls. Our two-week love story was a blast and it left me hangin' in the air. By the way, I'm sorry with how I reacted with your bitchslappin' diagnose of my Dad. You cost me an ego reconstructive surgery. Anyway, I still love you. That's why I promised to write you all the time. And I did. And we did. I became smitten with writing letters. *sigh* But you became a whore of it. Blame's on you. Hehehe.

By the way, my story about the mule is a little bit exaggerated. I think I got so sentimental I forgot I should not exposed my Dad's neat slash order freakiness. I'm so sorry for the boring sex that we had. It bore the audience as well.

About the letters, you, bitch, didn't write me a letter anymore. And when I received a letter from you, I got so excited. Only to find out that you've been engaged with someone. You broke my artillery. You just didn't know how much I wanted to die that time, that's why I always volunteer for a mission. I don't want to go home. But I still. My Pap died. I attended the funeral. No one but only me. Where were you? I had an obituary about that.

I was exhilarated when I saw you for the first time after 5 years. I thought you replaced me with a horse, only to find out it's Tim. Sonnavebee. I wanted to punch him again. Good, he's sick. Good riddance. Anyway, I still love you. I, still, was baffled why the movie ended that way. My friend here, mjomesa, commented that this movie is boring. I should've done another romantic flick.

Love,

John

P.S. The audience should stick to the book. However tiring, just be patient.

This movie was based on Nicholas Spark's (The Notebook) novel. I did not watch this intentionally. I was just a victim of chance.

Ms. Aleli bought a book because of that boring movie. The Notebook is better.

the first time always hurts.

Finally, I received my ticket for my first ever blog camp. Lol. This was my first time to join activities related to such. I hope the other side of me will not be eclipsed by the other side of the coin. It's lurking. I know it. Hahaha.

Got cranky due to series of deadlines, a repertoire of useless things again. On a pensive mood.

how to effectively annoy someone.

Patience is a great commodity nowadays. It's like the air which efficiently and effortlessly enter and exit your system especially when your guard is down. Typical scenarios include a mother feeding a chocolate-encrusted babe's mouth, a bewildered teacher scolding a child who purposely nailed a pencil on her classmate's arm, a dominatrix slash disturbed teenager covering her ears with her fingers while Mom's reciting her litany of household reminders. It's a beautiful dilemma which, in anyway or another, leads you to two paths; anger or indifference.

The primordial reaction of most people vulnerable to annoyance includes a repertoire of defensive, and in most cases, offensive anger. Anger management has been introduced in the world due to the primary reason of controlling and subduing offensive anger. Such anger arises because of the failure to adjust one's patience meter. You become a loser in annoying someone if you will not understand the anatomy of someone's patience. It's a subtle yet rewarding activity to strategize the eclipse of someone's sanity. Anger will be the last resort since it's one way of marking one's territory in the same way your dog, Spike, marked your fence with his "No Trespassing" fluid waste.

In your quest to annoy someone, their anger will be your greatest prize. Claiming someone's patience will produce tons of anger. So be ready to heap rewards and blows as you tiptoe forwards. It's a subtle workmanship.

If your approach doesn't lead you to Anger Department, then it will render your victim indifferent to your character idiosyncrasy. However, do not underestimate the hidden power of this kind of reaction. It's like a time-deposit checque of nuclear bombs. Whatever you conceive as a result of this sickening habit will always put you in jeopardy. It will either put you in their list of "Top Annoying People in the Planet" or "Things to Avoid for a Healthy Living". They will either loathe you or ignore you.

In lieu of this lengthy introduction and precaution, I'll present to you my list of this scheming plot. I'm inviting you to embark on this perilious journey. After all, life is all a stage and all of us assassins on the loose. Here's my list.

1. Establish a credibility.

Many actors and actresses etched their credibility on their specific fields by branding their lovable and loathsome characteristics. The mere sound of their names makes your knees tremble. Their presence is either an ethereal experience or a summoned Hell. In annoying someone, it is effective if you can unleash your personality of innate unpredictability. Your attitude is the Master of the Ceremony and your mood is the microphone. You dictate the show, you manipulate one's patience, you ride with the audience. You strike an image of credulity while your actions and words announce the impeccable Armageddon. Be intimidating in this area. You are annoyance personified. Again, be subtle.

2. Know your audience.

You do not sashay your weapon of slingshot in front of Goliath if you know God will not back you up. Know who's the recipient of your ridicule or left-handed compliment. You do not employ it to someone on the pit of anger or immersed on depression. However tempting, always maintain a balance. Fire and fire produce conflagration. You don't tell your fatigued boss who just extended his time until seven in the morning for your inefficiency, "Hey boss, is that polo your new pajama? or "Boss, I couldn't remember when did this office became a bedroom?" Again, be a subtle vessel of this frivolity.

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3. Be subtle in your words but lethal on the outcomes.

Be a fan of punch line. But, do not overdo it. Too much spice kills the food. Remember you are an assassin of words. You annoy someone when they are vulnerable without suffering their emotions. Sarcastic humors and straightforwardness always work. The list of these? Hell, I don't have it. Go outside and mingle with talkative bitches. Provocative honesty is evasive. This is cultured, processed and not given at birth.

4. Fester someone without being Uncle Fester yourself.

Assault someone without appearing uncouth. You don't want to deliver them a mesage that you're an ex-convict or an uncivilized pagan. This sickening habit of annoying someone doesn't have to be your skin. It's just your undershirt, or maybe your coat. It's your cup of tea but not your tea. Annoy someone without degrading your own character. It's sad to be a troglodyte anyway.

5. Dance while the music is playing.

Strike while the sting is there. Make it sore, baby. It is difficult actually to find the exact time. This requires a diploma on proper timing. Being a deadly nuisance requires unparalleled skills which are actually earned in mingling with people with the highest or lowest IQ and EQ. They are most likely the predators or the victims. So, hit the bars, markets and streets. Visit forums or blogs. These are the lairs of the budding Marxists, dogmatic simpletons and godless hypocrites. Converse, criticize, and learn with them. In this despicable world, annoying people who are good at this enterprise have one rule: ANNOY WHILE YOU'RE ANNOYING.

Start annoying someone now. Who knows you may get that blue or violet mark later. Or better, a red one.