i hate rainy days.

I hate rainy days.

It was quarter past nine, yet the night boasted a promising feeling as I traversed the drenched streets,  with my umbrella on my right hand and my left hand in my pocket. The night seemed calm and reassuring with the soft croaking of frogs as its background. The streets were adorned with sepia tones and the leaves dripping with the kiss of rain. It seemed a perfect orchestra. Wearing a jersey and pants folded at the seam, I stepped on the flowing waters at the roadside, perplexed as to whether I should appreciate or hate this scenario. The chilly winds whispered on my nape as I clung tightly to my umbrella. I walked slowly tiptoeing on the street lest I might wet my toes. It was a night covered with rain and my umbrella was helpless. 

Cars whirred at the mercy of the water which were oblivious to the passersby. Though the rain sang noises on the streets as they dropped from the dark heavens, I was oblivious to it. All I heard was the faint noise of my own footsteps and the drowning notes of the piano as my earphones hugged my eardrums. The Muses were singing in my ears while the world was surrounded by the spattering noise and the silent humming of the waters cascading their ways to the cemented road and the dark watercourse. 

I had to stop for dinner and I ended in one of those lonely resto placated by dim lights and music of the 80’s. I hated rainy days like this when you were forced to sit and submit to your hunger. Hunger that often lead you to a dingy place or a fast food chain. Yet there I was, still hoping for a promising night. I just hated days like this. 

The soup arrived after a short notice and I drenched my throat with its warmth. It overwhelmed my frustrations and I began to compose myself as I removed my earphones. The soothing piano disappeared and was replaced by the music from a kvetchy stereo. It was this time that I scanned the place where in three tables were occupied- one table occupied by a grouchy old man. Perhaps we shared the same sentiments- the rain conniving with the gods to spoil our evening. The gods must be bored. I gratified myself with a bowl of soup while I occasionally glanced at my phone. So much for a promising night, I quipped to myself. The gods must be taunting me. I resigned to my fate. 

It was then that you entered that door. Your wet clothing clung to your body while I visibly saw the water cascading its way from your hair to the tips of your fingers. Your hair and face glistened as the moisture trickled on your face. It was like the dew of a cold morning when the sun glimpsed on the east mountains and the clouds sang to herald the new day. I was caught by your beauty. It was then that I heard the smirking silence that I realized once more that we were not alone. You sat on the table adjacent to me and you threw an innocent glance at me. I caught it bashfully. I smiled at you and nodded. You nodded in return. It was like watching a classic painting brought into life when you smiled back at me. It was beautiful and hurting at the same time. There we were – strangers at a strange place in this strange time. 

You started your dinner while I began to finish mine. Sometimes I caught your eyes swaying their hues on me coyly. We were like that – smiling and warming ourselves without the pressure of talking. I could feel you reaching for me, or was it only my presumptuous self? Sometimes when you looked at your food, I stole observing glances at you and I found out that you still wore your wet clothes. I couldn’t help but admire and be sorry for you at the same time – I could feel you shivering but you remained unfazed. 

Time and silence kept on taunting us but neither of us submitted to this opportunity made by the heavens. Perhaps the rain brought us here to have our lives intertwined. Yet Destiny played with us coyly. I finished my dinner and you sat there anxious – or was it me painting this silly thought? It was like waiting for the last drop of rain to fall. I called for the bill and paid it silently. I was hoping for the rain to continue pouring heavily – for you to come to me and to share the shelter offered by the umbrella hooked on my chair. Our eyes met for the last time as I reached for the doorknob and heard the clinging sound of the chimes. I stopped on the doorsteps hoping you’d call me. Seconds seemed like eternity and I opened my umbrella. I reached for my pocket and kept my phone to the deepest part of it. The rain trickled in soft drizzles and it was then a thought dawned to me – it was a wonderful, a promising night after all. I closed my umbrella and felt the rain hugged me. I hoped that the same rain that hugged your body would embrace me tonight. 

I hate rainy days. Yes, I hate them. But not tonight.

how to surivive a zombie apocalypse, at least.

I and a friend watched World War Z at a nearest cinema oblivious to what the movie was all about. We knew it was all about zombies. I was making a mental note that I was watching a zombie movie and a movie like this requires a zombie mind. Flaccid. Passive. All the facets of boredom.

All the facets of boredom sans Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt stars it, so, might as well gamble some of my time. It was a friend's birthday and she was planning to watch a movie all by herself. Mind you, watching alone is excruciatingly boring and lonely with the fact that you laugh all by yourself, be sad by yourself and worst, cry by yourself without any one to turn to for those gripping scenes. It is a total embodiment of boredom. You are boredom personified. So, I presented myself as an escort. 

After few minutes of trying to convince myself to doze off, the movie started to kick my interest. Like a meal skipping the appetizer and the main entree, I was served with the dessert immediately. Explosions. Commotion. A destroyed side mirror. A distressed (yet still cool) Brad Pitt. A worried mother. And the panic continued. It was like watching a movie mid-part. Suddenly the zombies presented themselves. The zombies here were like scavengers lustful for fresh flesh. Imagine a zombie bred with a ninja and that was how the movie was like. You never knew when the zombie jumped off to chomp a neck or an arm. The infection run like the Flash. And in a span of day, it was a pandemic. Humanity smelled near-extinction. The world gripped for life. The movie depicted a zombie outbreak with brilliance. It was not the usual zombie-eat-brain movie, rather it would let you think. "what if". It ate my brain with a question, "What if today is the Zombie Apocalypse? Will I survive?"

Watching the movie, I realized that if Zombie Apocalypse has to arrive, then you have to be ready at all cost. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Here's my survival tips (based on the movie):

1. Wear your most lightweight shoes. The zombies don't give a crap whatever the brand is, as long as you can sprint head to head with them, or shall we say, foot to foot. Train your lungs, also.

2. Stock, at least, a duct tape. They are indispensable instrument to create zombie-mutilating instruments. I was amazed how Brad Pitt used it to attach an arm-shield to his arm  using a  porn magazine and to make a bayonet. If the world were to end, duct tapes will be your messiah.

3. If zombies were to be maniacally sensitive to sound, then don't bring your phone with you. Or any sound-producing materials. Cue Celine Dion music. Aaaarrgghh.

4. Be mentally ready that you could be the next target of any zombie. Be mentally ready to accept that your loved one could be the next. Be mentally ready to fire that gun just in case he berserks in front of you. Be mentally ready to die, too, just in case you berserk first in front of them.

5. Stay in group. There's less probability that you could be the next host/meal/victim.

6. In an event that a zombie bit you or infected you, cut that body part immediately. Being handicapped is way better than being undead. What if the zombie bites you in the ear or head? Hmmm...God bless your soul. 

7. What if you accidentally meet a zombie? Summon a pea shooter? This is not a game. Run. Let your lungs summon all the air it could get. 

8. Bring supplies that could last until this mayhem ends. Water, food, and ammos. And courage.

Well, we had a blast watching the movie. It was a zombie movie after all, but with a dash of brilliance. No dull moments. TTFN!

PS. Happy Birthday Ms Juna...late post.

parting.

I am bad with parting. I am usually caught between the idea of "not reacting at all" or "the feeling that is almost there". I usually let everything pass. I let the time pass. I let the emotional side of each situation pass. I let the feelings of guilt and grief pass. Basically, I become frigid like a senile man. This time, however, it is different.

Today is the last day of school. The excitement is so overpowering that everyone forgets the real score. Parting is supposed to be a momentous event for tear-jerking experiences and emotional goodbyes. Or is it only real during my younger years? My students are hollering around with excitement. I still don't know how to react. Will I be happy that the school year has ended and that stress has reached the safe level? Will I be sad for the fact that I'll be seeing them after two months? Or will I be delighted that I can lavish myself with stress-free days later? Blank.

Maybe it is just the effect of lack of sleep. My mind is groggy and my emotional reflexes are anesthetized by coffee-less morning. But as I have told you, this day is rather different. I receive this card from one of my students (see the photo). And I said to myself, "What a wonderful world." Kidding aside, I am deeply touched by my student's token of affection. Each word is like a golden trophy. To tell you honestly, this is the nth time that I have read the words and I am still seized by the same feeling. Three years is just as short as his message but is as meaningful as the words used. To that dear student of mine, "Timmy, spending three years again with you would be delightful." 

This time, parting for me is meaningful. And I react knowingly.

il bel far niente (the beauty of doing nothing)

I wrote this last Tuesday. Just want to post it. Hehehe...Wala naman atang papalag?

This night is the last night of my stay here in Cagayan de Oro, having my week break from work and other work-related brouhahas. The night is so calm and all I can hear as of the moment is the silent whirring of the ceiling fan and the silent orchestra of the keyboards and my heart, not to mention the snore of the sleeping neighbor. Tomorrow I’ll be heading for Davao and be stomped again by papers and neck-breaking backlogs. But that is work, and to face it is inevitable. Sans the mention of stress and the constant consumption of patience. Oh boy, I hope there’s a 24/7 store for this patience. Anyway, the rest is over, which is quite disappointing and nostalgic, for the fact that for the past 8 days of staying here I felt so at home with the knowledge of doing nothing. Yes, the idea of staying at home and waking up at your face slapped by the midday’s rays. Yes, the idea of “Il bel far niente” as what Eat, Pray, Love mentioned. Yes, it is the beauty of doing nothing.

But let me be defensive in this matter, it is doing nothing but accomplishing something. In my short stay here in CDO I have met friends and I have shared precious and meaningful time with my honey. I came to love the fact that I allotted myself ample time to appreciate the pointless things in life (as what I have might think of them or perhaps you yourselves) and find values in things so mundane. Things like walking under an umbrella with your special one during a cold, rainy three o’clock afternoon, reading your new book which was quite stressed outside but so fresh inside because it was not touched nor even read, pigging out on a pizza and ice cream on a drizzly afternoon, lying on your bed with Andrea Bocelli on, and dumping inside the bathroom sans the hurry (since there’s no pressure of work). And another one, staring at the ceiling fan and trying to argue with yourself that it’s turning counterclockwise. Such a reckless waste of time as one might say but such a time of recollection and peace as I might so consider.

I remembered before when I was in high school or in my earlier days of college, I was myself a nazi for time consciousness (not the management though). A single minute wasted is a mortal sin and an hour of squandered moment is a hell. That was a time when I was hard of myself. Currently, I think I overdo it though. Well, you can’t blame me for I am battered by work for almost five years already. I deserve this modest amount of rest. No worries. No guilt. No work. Pure rest, miles and miles away from work. That is what I called pure bliss. You know, the likes of waking up one hour before noon and drinking your coffee with the music on and with your underpants only. If this is a crime, I say then that I’d love to be a criminal. This pleasure of doing nothing and enslaving time is quite addictive.

But everything will have to end. Few hours from the moment I write this, I will be already in the bus for Davao. Attraversiamo. Let’s cross over. I have to cross over from the pleasures of guiltless self-indulgence to the stressful realities of work. Again, attraversiamo.

written on November 2, 2010, 3:09am

fearfully and wonderfully made.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” ~Psalm 139:14

The whole of Psalm 139 is a miracle that continues everyday especially as I look at the most complicated things around me up to the tiniest detail of the small creatures crawling on my foot. As I watched this video created by Cristobal Vila, I could not help but be amazed by how intricate each design and how God personally left His fingerprints in each. This experience was not new to me since the day I watched "How Great Is Out God" and "Laminin" by Louie Giglio. To look at the vast beauty of space and the complexity of body's building block was just so impossible to comprehend, but needless to say a big leap for faith.

The Fibonacci number, the Golden Ratio and the Phi are just fractals of what there is in the vastness of God's power. God is the greatest engineer whose designs are shown in the intricacy of human body, from the blood to our brain. We are not merely accidents or coincidence in the universe. Our body is God's most wonderful blueprint which contains no error or flaw.

Let me quote Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey from Fearfully and Wonderfully Made,

The function of the digestive tract and the related organs, the longevity of the heart, the formation and function of nerves and of blood vessels, the cleansing of the blood through the kidneys, the complexity of the inner and middle ear, the sense of taste and smell, and so many other things we barely understand—each one is a marvel and beyond man’s ability to duplicate. Truly, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. How grateful we are to know the Creator—through His Son, Jesus Christ—and to marvel not only at His knowledge but also at His love (Psalm 139:17-24).

We are more than the Nautilus, sunflower and dragonfly!

surprise.

Life can be full of surprises. One will eat (without the slightest reservation) everything this crappy world will give, starting from the government, to the media, up to the least plebeian you can find in this godforsaken place. I'm not being pessimistic in a strictest sense but I am just fed up by endless commotion in media and rantings from those politicians. They flaunt their stench and putrid scheming resumes and platforms, and sometime later lurks in the deepest cove of their seats feeding their selfish ids.

Not only that, the endless publicity of the celebrities and how they endlessly lick the plethora of fame and media debauchery. I love fame. But not as much as this. Picture this, Lady Gaga collapsing because of overwork. Or is it?

Look around you, while the people up there taste the phenomenal clicks of the camera, the paupery of men bask themselves under the sun of hopelessness, worthy to be called "despaired hopefuls".While the stars engrossed themselves with Oscars and Emmys, the despondent souls frowned in their own limelights.

Surprising? I call it paradox.

Gosh! I Miss France!

Char! Sosyal!

Pinagtitripan ko lang kayo. I have never been to France or to any place outside the country. Puro places sa Pinas ang napuntahan ko, so far. It's really my dream, however, to be in different countries in different continents especially in Europe. Parang romantic kasi dun. Char!

Anyway, the France I'm referring to is a friend of mine. This entry is about my nostalgic account of this unforgettable friendship and the many friendships I met in life (sa madaling sabi, isa 'tong walang kwentang ka-emohan sa life). Anyway, bago lang kasi kaming nagkita nung nagkaroon ng Teacher's Summit sa Cagayan de Oro. *sigh* Na-miss ko talaga si Churvz (screen name nya, joke...), kaya naman chika kami to the max. Well, she (yes! she's a she.) invited me in her wedding. She secretly disclosed to me that I'll be the Emcee sa wedding niya. It made me, "Huh?!" Ano naman ang alam ko sa Emceeing na yan? I admit I was once an Emcee in our variety show way back in college. "OK, Help me in welcoming (ngatal boses epek) the PERFORMANCERS!" Sheks! Wapek! Kaboom! Nalaglag ata ang panga ko kasama ang mga panga ng classmates ko at professor. Since then, I promised myself that I would not endeavor to be in this kind of limelight. This will be the end of my budding celebrity-wannabe dreams. Until dumating ang moment na eto. *sigh* *sigh* *sigh to the infinity* I'm sure hindi ito kakayanin ng powers bestowed upon me by the Department of Education. *sigh*

So, napatanong ako, "Churvz, are you sure na ako ang kukunin mo? Why, oh why?" "Sabi nya, (effortlessly confident) "Kasi nga, ayoko na maging serious masyado ang wedding ko. Kayong dalawa ni ******* ang magkasama. Kaya nyo kasing magpatawa without lifting a finger." *SIGH*

Churvz, you should've hired a clown instead. Kaya ngayon, aminin ko man na I'm excited to attend her wedding pero parang mababaliw ata ako everytime I imagine myself as the Emcee. Shucks! Paano na lang ang dignidad na pinanghahawakan ko? Naisuko ko na eto before, and now parang may sequel ata. Well, naisip ko din, "for the sake of friendship na lang".

Ika nga ni friendship Bernard Meltzer, "A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." Katuparan na ba 'to ng propesiya? Well, again, naisip ko na, "for the sake of friendship na lang talaga ito." Marami-rami na din akong moments like this. One was when I invited my classmate for a boxing match. Inumbag nya ako sa ilong, kaya yun napa-cry me a river ako. Forgiven, kasi nga friends at fault ko din, I didn't inform him na asset ko ang ilong ko and I want it always in its pristine form. Actually, marami na talaga akong pinagdaanan na vulnerable moments dahil sa friendship churva na yan. I felt abused, molested and degraded by this (drama lang to, let me have my moment, please...).

But I still have apprehensions now. "Itutuloy ko ba ang momentous moment na eto?" Ika nga, "the greatest performance of my life." So far. Help!

pinirata ang picture dito (sorry, 'di natiis eh).

Torn

I'm torn between two roads,
One facing the wide open sea,
the other, lush green meadows facing me,
Should I stay or should I be free?

The sea beckons the sail to freedom
Of dreams and happiness beyond
Alas! Did I just ask myself?
Do I really know how to swim?

My heart yearns for that open sea
But I can't, for to leap is suicide
Unacceptable troubles and curse
These my mind can't comprehend.

The meadows offer the safety, Life wants
the bondage, secured but pure pretense
Here I am succumbed to this place
To dig my nails on this earthly cage.

Will I risk my life for that open sea?
Or will I stay here and be safe?
Of that I'm sure I'm coward
This thing I'm brave enough...I'll not admit

Kiss My A**!

Well, I think the Filipino people nowadays are intelligent enough to buy the political ads of the presidentiables. There are more smart and educated voters now. But again, it should never be underestimated since every vote still counts. Each of our vote will be the shining beacon of hope for our despairing country. Our Philippines is slowly dying because of too much politicking, corruption and greediness. Just imagine this, using your wealth to promote your presidency through TV ads without getting anything? Oh! Manny Villar can kiss my a** if he will not get something from our country. What, he will use our country as a collateral for the wealth he dissed for his so-called anti-poverty campaigns? *sigh* The officials should wake up now. The Filipino people are learning.

If we commit the same mistakes of voting undeserving officials, I'm sure we will all plunge into what we can consider the Dark Age of our history. Enough said.

Ay si Lolo!

Si Lolo talaga.

Actually, it was almost midnight when my friend and I decided to buy sundae in McDo. Grabe, masyadong buhay pa 'yong gabi kasi dami pa ng tao at chog-chogs pa 'yong music. Loud and very enticing. So there, bili na kami ng sundae and diretso na sa house. We decided to eat it sa bahay na lang. We just walked, isa pa, malamig naman ang hangin and there were few people na lang sa daan. There's Lolo (he's not actually, but i think he is), coughing with the other hand at the back and the other outstretched to beg for my sundae. Sa isip-isip ko, inuubo na nga si Lolo, so why do I have to give him my sundae? I was about to give it but then, I saw something glowing at the back. Hmmm..it was actually a cigarette. *sigh* Naughty Lolo. Kaya pala inuubo. Disappointing si Lolo, so I brought my sundae home and let my cravings melt with it.

Tutulungan ko naman si Lolo eh, but my point is, dapat he has to help himself first. I have reasons to help him, but so many reasons not to. How about you? What will you do?

worn-out but happy

Bygones are bygones…

Well, life is a big bowl of mess and you have to dive in that litter if you want to experience what life is. I surpassed the pain of life (so far) and it seems the more I got away, the more i like myself to indulge in it's little pleasure and pain. Hmmm..looks like more of my masochistic nature. Harhar..*_*.. Well, I am enjoying every piece of it. I just pray for everything to be in place. I pray for life. I pray for love. I pray for everything. I got my life. And i think it's an everyday gift. Cherishing....

On Being Bad

"Am I bad?", one boy asked me. "Well, how do you define 'bad'?", I asked him in return. "Well, my classmates said I'm bad. I think I'm bad," he concluded with downcast look and hanging shoulders. "Hmmm..well, if committing mistakes is what you mean by the word bad, then you're not one. It is really our nature to commit mistakes. It doesn't mean that if you commit mistakes, you can be labeled 'bad' already. God is there. That's why He's there to let us stand again, let us rise again from our mistakes. You are not bad. You just committed a mistake." I looked at him. His eyes fixed on mine. He smiled, not because he got rid of the guilt. It is because he realized something. "Now, what do we do when we do something wrong to someone?", I asked him in conclusion. "Apologize," he replied. Then, he ran away, guilt-free, happy, composed and at peace. I was puzzled by that very moment. Children are really sensitive. I marveled at that sensitivity. I examined myself. Am I bad? From that moment, my perspective changed. I know that little boy made me substantiate something. There's a message. I just smiled. I may have fallen, but God did not call me "bad".

SIMPLE THINGS: The Rolling Gum

It will obviously roll and roll. A gum in the mall. In the floor. It must have been dropped by someone when that coin finally slided inside the slot machine. Well, it's not the gum that actually interests me, rather it's the feet of those people who come and go of this place. Each of those pairs transported the gum from here to oblivion. What place might those feet come from? Is it a busy foot? Or just from some windowshopper? Nobody obviously minded it. But it made me smile. So I kicked it. My foot sent it to nowhere. I made a difference.

Reklamo Again

I like to do so many things but it seems I am coming to the day's end. Too sad. The school year's about to end. Time to declutter. Imbibe a life of positive paradigm and dispose cynical views. Live a life of comfort without compromising diligence. Expectations. dami nun sa work. hahay:( But kakainins pa rin kasi even though ayaw mo nang gawin ang "certain thing" in life, ginagawa mo pa rin for whatsoever divine reasons. Well, nakakaaliw naman ang mga ka-ekekan sa life. Little things that sometimes bother you and become infuriating, however if you stretch your rope and your reason becomes undeniably pleasurable. Worthwhile experience eh. Kakainis na nga minsan lalo na pag wala ka nang magawa. Lunok-laway ka na lang. Hate and love this life. Keep it coming baby...

Touching Lives

Once God has touched you, you’ll
never be the same.

"There’s no time to waste, there’s so much to celebrate."

Yes, there’s so much to celebrate to life than any other else in this world. When I was so preoccupied with things that this human heart crave for,I learned that everything was dull, lifeless and empty. Vague as it may appear but I knew i already lost something that was meant to be worth rejoicing at that moment. The details no matter how visible they were, my eyes were yet stigmatized by an obvious spectacle. Yes..it was near but my eyes are focus on something far beyond this reason could attain.

But lately, realization spanked me in my face. It’s as if everything is clear. The fog is removed. I learned to value life not because life has more to offer but it’s that I can offer life, a life that is far beyond this little hands of mine can give. I understand that each little act of kindness in itself the blood of life, the one that sustains all. I wondered why our existence continues to run its phase here on earth and it dawned upon me that it’s because of those little kindness that I gave and received everday. Such kindness too little to add a weight on the scale yet too big the equivalent in the heart of those needing it and giving it. To give means not to love but sustain love. Love, the all powerful life source where humanity gets its strength and survival continually begets life.

Before I don’t know where can i find such inner peace and communion. The one intimate relationship that this heart longly search. I tried everything to find this peace. And I realized that I found it in the smiles of a pupil, in the corners of the classroom, in the piles of books, journals and papers. I just laughed the idea but i savored every moment of it.The hands of God working here inside this place of solitude. I valued each of it. The work of the innocence was my work of ignorance dawned by mystical knowledge. Knowledge that only God can offer. The children I am handling now are the incense offering that i will offer in the altar of the Most Loving Father. And this children in whom I sow the seeds of love and joy will grow and rise with their Father. And I,
being the gardener will watch them. For once in my life, I somehow touched lives that touched also mine.
PYS6Z4W6649F

Random musings at etsetera

It's Friday. Nope, actually Saturday na pala. Hehehe..
I'm so alone right now facing the computer.

Well, nasabi ko rin sa aking sarili na nakakatamad nga naman palang mag-blog (na naman..) especially kung walang nakikinig o bumabasa man lang sa mga idinadaing ng iyong isip at diwa. Useless musings lang kung baga.

Well, paki naman ng mga bumabasa di ba? hehehehe..Basta ang alam ko ay..I want to have an outlet for these hidden desires for poetry, violence and "whole dark side of me". Who cares for someone then?

I love writing, when I'm in the mood. I love poetry, when I'm on the bleak crest of love and enmity. I love random musings when my mind is busy. I love the noise of the keyboard when silence besets my ears.

Kaya nga hindi ko maiwan-iwan ang blog ko kasi eto lang talaga ang nagpapanatili sa kapanatagan ng aking diwa. Sana may kausap din ako dito.

But, no pressure though. Hehehe...

Death, Life and Tattle-tales

Whew..it's been months since I visited and posted something in this blog. It's quite frustrating to know that the year is beginning to end and another time for a new beginning. The pun of words. hehehe. It was like "You have something to post!...Ah never mind that. For a while, I am busy." Procrastination kills. And I am dead. Now. Well, I have so many thoughts to account with. *sigh* It's like the pressure is pushing you left to right. Life and art are waiting yet work is always there to spice things up ,or, shall we say, to squeeze your brains and muscles out. Work is an art. It's good and it's fulfilling but sometimes it just is tiring. *sigh*

Well, what will you do to those children that are quite not pleased already with their schooling because of peer, emotional and academic predicaments in school? Basically as a teacher, I find it quite disturbing and disheartening especially if the child is doing things in school which are already emotionally eating him or her. It's like, you want to help but you know you will just invade their privacy. However open-minded as they are, they sometimes want to do things or try things based on their decisions or prerogatives. Talking about freedom and choice. Adolescent children. *sigh* They cannot understand their feelings, trying to probe their worth in this world and attempting to answer the questions that creep in their minds. Teacher as I am, it sometimes is disturbing to see these children quite disappointed in school. Am I not inspiring enough? It's just another question. Brrrr...Well, well, well.. God bless me. I love my children.

I remembered just this morning telling each one of them "I love you", and some find it disturbing or uncommon for a male teacher to utter those words. Actually it's mixed reactions. Some find it amusing, others fulfilling while others alarming. *sigh* I just love the way they react. It's the first time I said this to them. And I will not tire saying those words again and again.

Touching Lives

Once God has touched you, you’ll never be the same.

"There's no time to waste, there's so much to celebrate."

Yes, there's so much to celebrate to life than any other else in this world. When I was so preoccupied with things that this human heart crave for, I learned that everything was dull, lifeless and empty. Vague as it may appear but I knew i already lost something that was meant to be worth rejoicing at that moment. The details no matter how visible they were, my eyes were yet stigmatized by an obvious spectacle. Yes..it was near but my eyes are focus on something far beyond this reason could attain.

But lately, realization spanked me in my face. It's as if everything is clear. The fog is removed. I learned to value life not because life has more to offer but it's that I can offer life, a life that is far beyond this little hands of mine can give. I understand that each little act of kindness in itself the blood of life, the one that sustains all. I wondered why our existence continues to run its phase here on earth and it dawned upon me that it's because of those little kindness that I gave and received everday. Such kindness too little to add a weight on the scale yet too big the equivalent in the heart of those needing it and giving it. To give means not to love but sustain love. Love, the all powerful life source where humanity gets its strength and survival continually begets life.

Before I don't know where can i find such inner peace and communion. The one intimate relationship that this heart longly search. I tried everything to find this peace. And I realized that I found it in the smiles of a pupil, in the corners of the classroom, in the piles of books, journals and papers. I just laughed the idea but i savored every moment of it.The hands of God working here inside this place of solitude. I valued each of it. The work of the innocence was my work of ignorance dawned by mystical knowledge. Knowledge that only God can offer. The children I am handling now are the incense offering that i will offer in the altar of the Most Loving Father. And this children in whom I sow the seeds of love and joy will grow and rise with their Father. And I, being the gardener will watch them. For once in my life, I somehow touched lives that touched also mine.